


give her all or give her up

by theshipshipper



Series: give her all [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Jon and Sansa are roommates, but also co-parents, mom!sansa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 19:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18350624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshipshipper/pseuds/theshipshipper
Summary: Jon was only ten when he first met Sansa Stark. At the time, she had been nothing more than his new friend’s little sister, and never in a million years did he expect her and her son to later become the two most important people in his life.The prospect of losing them now makes Jon's chest hurt, as though he was getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly. And Harry Harding, the guy who'd left Sansa to deal with being with child at age twenty, just had to come back five years later to twist the knife.---Tiitle from: Ocean Park Standoff - Good News





	give her all or give her up

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying to get back into the rhythm of my old fic where Jon is a dad and ended up writing a new fic with Sansa as a mom instead.
> 
> Welp. Hope you guys enjoy!!!!
> 
> [UPDATE: The events in this fic occurs AFTER 'something that' s true (what do i do) so I recommend you read that first if you want to know the whole story. Haha. Thanks!)

Jon could tell, as soon as Sansa entered the apartment, that something was wrong.

You can’t live with someone for as long as Jon has been living with Sansa without understanding the meaning behind every little change in her body language.

She's deep in thought as she took off her coat, brows curved in a frown as she walked into the living room. She didn't even seem to notice that he was watching her until he called for her attention.

“San, you okay?“

*Jon.“ She startled at the sound of his voice, staring at him wide-eyed in surprise. “I thought you’d be asleep.“

“I wasn’t tired yet,“ he admitted, shifting on the couch to make space as she flopped down next to him, evidently exhausted. “Something wrong?”

She rubbed her face tiredly before slouching down even lower on the couch.

“What is it?“ he asked again, starting to get worried. He held out a hand to massage her shoulder, trying to make her feel better. “San, come on. Talk to me. Whatever it is, I’m sure we'll figure it out.”

It took a moment, but she slowly eased her hands off her face, still looking very troubled. “Harry’s here.”

Admittedly, those were words Jon wasn’t expecting to hear.

The first time Jon had ever heard of Harry fucking Hardyng was five years ago, with Sansa having suddenly appeared at his and Robb’s old apartment.

Jon had been shocked to see her then, only twenty, and with a sleeping babe in her arms. She’d gone there looking for Robb, but her brother had moved out some months before, and she’d told him what happened as she waited for morning to come.

The story was this: during her freshman year in college, Sansa had gotten pregnant after dating Harry Hardyng for two months. Ashamed and confused, she’d agreed to move to the Vale where they lived with his parents for a year as they figured out how to proceed.

After giving birth, they’d moved into an apartment and lived together as they raised their child. Unfortunately, Harry Hardyng hadn’t been the most supportive partner, cheating on Sansa multiple times until she finally decided to leave him.

Meanwhile in Winterfell, they were all under the impression that Sansa was still in college and doing well in her studies, as she would often claim whenever she was asked.

Then she finally came home to Winterfell with the truth.

They had all been shocked, to say the least. Her siblings couldn’t wrap their heads around the fact that their sister was already a mother and her parents were disappointed and heartbroken about her decision to keep it all from them.

The tension was somewhat lessened by the new addition to their family: the Starks were completely defenseless against the one-year-old boy who bore the trademark Tully red hair and blue eyes.

Still, the whole thing didn’t just die down overnight: for a while, none of them really knew what to do with Sansa.

For all her family would have wished she was still in college, with a whole life ahead of her, they had to accept the fact that things were going to be very different from then on.

The acceptance came slow, which is where Jon ultimately came into picture. Having been best friends with Robb all his life, and the Starks being practically his family, he was on the loop with the whole thing.

As a son of a single-mother hinself, Jon had felt for Sansa, and so he offered her as much support at he could and made sure she never had to be alone in her struggles. And when the time came that Sansa decided to move out of her parents’ to prove that she could raise her child on her own, Jon had been the first to offer up his spare room for her to move into.

It was meant to be a temporary thing: she was just going to stay while she picked herself up and figured out a more stable setup for her and her son. But the longer she’d stayed, the less Jon wanted her to leave. And she’d ended up actually staying.

So, after five years of seeing Sansa struggle to raise her kid on her own, Jon really couldn’t help being angry to hear that the prick who’d hurt her all those years ago had decided to re-enter her life when things were finally going well for her.

“What do you mean he’s here?” Jon asked slowly, trying not to show how much he disliked the sound of it.

“As in he came to my work and begged me to forgive him. He said he wanted to make up for his past mistakes and for us to get back together.“ At that, Sansa turned to look behind her, gaze on the door where her six-year-old is fast asleep inside. “He said he was ready to be a dad to Ned and for us to be a family.”

It’s as though all the air had escaped his lungs: all of a sudden, Jon couldn’t breathe. It felt like the world was collapsing right before his eyes.

“You believe him?” He asked in a quiet tone, dreading her reply.

She scoffed at him. “Of course not. I’m not an idiot. Fool me once and all that. But - “ she cut herself off, reluctant to go on. “It would be selfish, wouldn’t it? If I didn’t at least give him a chance with Ned?”

The coward in him, the one who's afraid to lose them both, wanted to say that Ned didn’t need Harry in his life: he was surrounded by people who loved him and cared for him, the people who’d been around as he grew up.

Jon knew that would be selfish, though, because he knew what it was like to grow up without a dad himself: always asking about a person he could only dream up, fantasizing about the day he’d finally meet his father. It didn’t matter how many people was there for him, it only mattered that one specific person was not.

Yet Jon also knew how much worse it felt to finally meet the man and realize that his illusions had only been that. And it’s a feeling he doesn’t want Ned to ever feel in his life.

“What do you think I should do?” her question pulled him out of his thoughts and he found her staring at him with furrowed brows as she chewed on her bottom lip.

“I - I don’t know what to tell you, Sansa. It’s your choice. I mean, it’s not my place to tell you what to do about it, I’m - “ He swallowed, his throat dry. “Ned’s your son, I’m just the roommate.“

It hurt, but it’s the truth.

“Don’t be an idiot,“ Sansa snapped at him with a glare, as though he’d said something completely offensive. “Of course you get a say, you’ve been with me through it all. There’s no one else’s opinion I trust more,“

Her words should’ve melted his heart, instead the words break him: giving voice to his opinion felt like the end of everything he knew.

He looked away. “I think you should give him a chance. Let him prove himself to you first so you’d know if he’s really serious and then you can decide.“

 

*

It takes three months and seventeen days before Sansa finally decided it was time for Ned to meet his father, and yes, Jon had been counting.

In fact, he’d been dreading the possibility since Sansa came home that night to tell him that her douche of an ex and father of her child wanted to be a part of her life again.

Jon was only ten when he first met Sansa Stark. At the time, she had been nothing more than his new friend’s little sister, and never in a million years did he expect her to later become the most important person in his life.

The prospect of losing her now makes his chest hurt, as though he was getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly.

“I still don’t understand why you never just told her how you felt,” Robb said through their ongoing video call, frowning as though he’s struggling to complete the most difficult puzzle he’d ever seen. “I know my sister. She wouldn’t have stayed with you all these years if she didn’t feel anything.”

“She stayed because it was convenient for the both of us,” he answered loudly, explaining again why he and Sansa decided to keep living together. “And cost efficient. It just made sense to combine our expenses since we were both single, anyway. And living together meant I could take care of Ned when she’s stuck at work or whatever.” Jon sighed. “Plus, it wasn’t like I was going to suggest we go our separate ways. There was nothing wrong with how things were so I didn’t see why we couldn’t keep going as we were.”

“That wasn’t my point, Jon. What I’m saying is that she had options. She didn’t have to stay and live with you once she’d sorted herself out, but she did. Because she wanted to. Just like you wanted to stay with her.”

Jon huffed, unsure how to proceed.

As much as Robb would like to believe that Sansa’s harboring secret romantic feelings towards Jon - because it’d be the the easiest solution to all their problems if Sansa did fall in love with him - Jon can’t make himself believe it. This is not some fairytale: this is real life. And that means nothing goes the way he wants it to.

It’s some time after ending the conversation with Robb when the two most important people in Jon’s life finally got home. With Harry in tow.

He pretended to be busy, skimming through emails until Ned cheerfully bounded up to him, screaming his name.

“Hey, buddy,” he said, unable to stop the smile on his face. “How was your day?“

“Awesome. Look at my hat, “ he said, beaming at Jon as he showed off his stuffed bear hat. “My dad got it for me.”

He’s met the guy a number of times in the months that he’d been in Winterfell and truthfully, Jon didn’t know how to feel about him.

The selfish part in him didn’t like that Harry seemed to be genuinely trying to make it up to his son. But the other part, the part that knew he loved both Ned and Sansa with every fibre of his being, was glad for it.

Jon would support Harry’s efforts wholeheartedly if it meant that Ned would grow up the happiest kid ever, even at his own expense. Still, it doesn’t mean he has to like it.

Jon feigned a smile, tickling Ned on the side. “He did? Well, It looks so cool on you.”

Ned’s smile widened. “Thanks. I’m gonna go show Ghost.” And then he was running to Jon’s room to wake his dog.

Once Ned had gone, he went back to staring at his computer, pretending to read the email he’d haphazardly pulled up.

“How was your day?” Sansa asked, coming to approach him in his desk. “Sorry we’re home late, by the way, Ned wanted to make three laps around the zoo as though he’d never been there before.” She rolled her eyes fondly then frowned at his lack of response. “Hey. Is something wrong?”

From the corner of his eyes, he could feel Harry watching the exchance.

He shook his head, feigning a smile for her. “No, nothing. I’m fine.”

The frown on her face doesn’t leave, still looking him over with worry. “Are you sure? You don’t seem fine.”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, it’s just -” he pointed at his computer screen. “It’s trouble with work. I, uh - “ he pretended to check the email again, lying through the skin off his teeth. “One of our clients wanted to make some changes in my design so I gotta go and fix it before presentation tomorrow.”

Sansa gave him a funny look: she definitely didn’t buy that excuse. “You gotta go now? At night? On your day off?”

Jon shrugged. “Yeah. I don’t have much choice, it’s been crazy busy lately with all the accounts coming in.”

Her frown deepened. “Well, can’t you stay at least until after dinner? Ned was really looking forward to dinner with you, he missed you all day.”

Jon gave her a sheepish look and promised to make it up to Ned some other time. “And I mean, Harry’s here, anyway. I’m sure Ned would love to have more time with his dad before the night ends.”

 

Since he didn’t actually have anything to do at work, he ended up going to the bar instead.

“Is it just me or have you been coming here more often recently?” Ygritte asked as she poured him his usual drink.

Jon ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.’

He would’ve gone to Robb’s if his friend still lived in Winterfell instead of a few towns over. Arya still wasn’t back from her expedition so that was another no. Sam lived close enough, but Gilly had just given birth to their first child so the imposition probably would be unwelcome.

These days, the closest he had to a friend was Ygritte, who he’d broken up with all those years ago when he finally realized that he was in love with Sansa Stark.

Ygritte merely shook her head: she’s told him plenty of times to just fess up his feelings for Sansa but he never listened.

“This is pathetic,” she told him. “You know nothing, Jon Snow.“

He agreed wholeheartedly, but what else could he do but drink his sorrows away?

It’s sometime after midnight when he finally stumbled home, drunk and even sadder than when he left.

“How was work?”

He startled at Sansa’s voice. Turning to the living room, he found her sitting there with a book on her lap, her fingers in between the pages she’d left off.

She’s been waiting for him.

He straightened up, trying to act more put together than he actually is. ‘I didn’t end up going.”

I can see that,” she said evenly. “You were at Ygritte’s?”

There’s a weird tone in her voice but he was too drunk to understand what it is. “At the Wildling’s, yeah.”

She didn’t look pleased to hear that. All he could do was state at her, unable to look away. Even displeased with him, she’s still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

 _Gods_ , he’s missed her.

But looking at her now, especially with the thought of Harry Hardying so clear in his mind, only hurt. As more days go by, he could feel her slowly slipping away.

To his utter confusion, she handed  him a stuffed hat like Ned was wearing earlier. “Ned wanted to wait up for you and give you this but he fell asleep.”

Guilt washed over him instantly; he shouldn’t have gone out drinking. He should’ve stayed and sucked it up.

“Sorry for missing dinner.”

But fuck if he could force himself to stay in the same room as Harry fucking Hardying for more than a minute; even in his own apartment, Jon felt out of place whenever the guy came around.

“You don’t seem sorry. You didn’t seem sorry all those other times you bailed out whenever Harry came along, either.”

No, he really wasn’t. Leaving always felt preferable to the torture of hearing Ned call the guy his dad and to see the kid so happy and complete. It just served to remind Jon of the one thing he could never give Ned.

He looked up to find Sansa’s icy stare on him. She’s angry with him, but he already knew she would be. He”d been making himself scarce ever since Ned started spending time with his dad.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought it’d be best to give you guys time to bond as a family.”

“Oh, how very kind of you, “ Sansa spat out sarcastically, making him wince.. “I never asked you to do that, Jon. Nor did I want you to. Really, what’s going on with you? Do we have a problem here?”

“No, we don’t. It’s nothing. Just - “ he shook his head, words evading him as usual. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Sansa.”

They stood there for a moment, just staring at each other, until she finally scoffed and shook her head. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

*

Days go by without either Jon or Sansa taking the initiative to make-up and the longer she stayed angry at him, the shittier he felt.

He’d have approached her with an apology much sooner if he didn’t think doing so would risk him spilling his heart out to her.

He tried to tell himself that it was better this way. If he was going to lose her, anyway, might as well get used to the feeling.

“You’re an idiot,” Arya told him when he finally managed to get a hold of her. “So is Sansa, for that matter, but you’re much worse. If you called hoping I’d tell you how to fix this then you’re out of luck. You have to figure this one out on your own.” Jon sighed, but he was expecting that anyway. “And honestly, Jon, if you can’t figure this out then I don’t see any reason why you should be with my sister. She deserves better than this.”

That last part stung, but he knew that Arya was right. He had to man up if he wanted any chance with Sansa.

*

“Jon?”

Ned’s small and shaky voice was enough to stir Jon into consciousness. Having practically raised the boy, he’s gotten used to remaining vigilant even in his sleep.

He turned to his side and found Ned rubbing his eyes tearfully. “Hey. Did you have a bad dream?”

When he was younger, Ned always had trouble with nightmares. It’s gotten better over time, but he still sometimes got them, what with his overactive mind.

He nodded with a sniff. “Can I sleep with you and Ghost tonight?”

“Of course, buddy. Come on up here,“ he shifted to give Ned some space, and Ghost moved from the foot of the bed to rest on Ned’s other side. Jon tucked him under the blanket and brushed his red curls away from his face. “Go on back to sleep. Ghost and I will fight off the nightmares for you.”

He nodded and shut his eyes. “Thanks.”

Jon settled back to try and sleep again, but Ned spoke again not a moment later. “Jon… if my mom and dad got married, will you really not live with us anymore?”

He stiffened at the question: it took him completely by surprise. “Why do you ask?”

Ned turned to his side, looking at him with his bright blue eyes. Just like his mother’s. And just like with his mother, Jon could tell that something was bothering him.

“Well… my dad said that he and my mom are trying to work things out and that it means we’re all going to live together in a big house and that I’m gonna have a playground and all the toys that I wanted.” He paused, a crease forming on his brow. “It sounds great and all, but he said you and Ghost probably won’t come with us.”

“Well,” Jon swallowed, trying to think of what to say. This is what he’d been so afraid of all along. “If they get married, then… it would be weird if I still lived with you guys, wouldn’t it?”

Ned looked at him as though he was crazy. “No. You’ve been living with us since forever. It would be weirder without you.”

“I guess it would.”

“So you’ll come with us?” He asked hopefully, smiling at Jon.

Jon made a face. “That’s not really how it works, bud. I probably won’t. ”

Ned looked crestfallen at that. “Then what’s so good about moving away then, if you and Ghost won’t even come?”

“Well, you’d have a complete family, wouldn’t you? With your mom and your dad?” The words clawed itself out of his throat,

He frowned again. “How is it complete if you’re not there? That just sounds wrong.”

Jon couldn’t help but agree, his chest swelling with love for the kid. Ned may not be his blood, but Jon loved him as though he were. Maybe even more.

He planted a kiss between Ned’s brows. “Ghost and I would still visit you, if it happens.”

He pouted. “Or we could just stay here. We don’t really have to leave, do we?”

“No, not at all.”

*

It still takes three days after his conversation with Ned for Jon to talk to Sansa.

“Hey. Can we talk?”

He didn’t know if she really was going to get back together with Harry, but in the off chance that it’s true then he wouldn’t want this to be how they left things off.

If all he could ever be was a friend to her, then he’ll take it. It’s immensely better than the prospect of not having her and Ned in his life at all.

Sansa looked up at him, a curious look in her eyes.

They’re alone at the apartment today, Ned having gone out with his dad, yet Jon still took the better part of the day psyching himself up for this conversation.

“I was hoping we could clear the air,” he tried again. “You know I don’t like you being mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” she said, but of course she is. She’s not even trying to hide the lie.

He took a deep breath. “I know I’ve been acting like an idiot these past few weeks and I wanted to apologize for that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t blame you for being mad, I’m mad at me, too. It’s just - I don’t really know where I fit in here, Sansa. I - as much as I’d like to pretend otherwise, I’m not part of this equation. It’s you, Ned and Harry. That’s how it works. And it’s frustrating for me because I never really realized that until now.”

The expression on her face makes it clear that she disagreed but he had to be honest about it, He owed her that. “These past few weeks, I guess I was just trying to get myself used to the idea of not having you and Ned around. So that… when you do leave… then it wouldn’t be as difficult for me.”

“Why would you ever think that? Why would you think we’d leave you just like that?” She asked, as if it never even occurred to her when it’s all he could think about in the last four months. “Ned can barely go a day without mentioning you to anyone who’d listen. _He’d_ miss you too much. Unless… you want us to leave?”

He scowled. “Of course not. But - ” he sighed in resignation.  “It’s the truth, isn’t it? Maybe not now but later down the line. I mean… you’re getting back with Harry, aren’t you?”

She looked at him in horror. “Where on earth did that come from? Jon, don’t you think I would’ve told you any of this if it were true?”

He shrugged, still not letting himself hope that he’s wrong. “Well, we haven’t really been on speaking terms lately, have we? I didn’t think you’d be inclined to tell me anything.”

She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter. I still would’ve told you if I were considering something so idiotic -- so you could snap me right out of it.”

“So you’re not marrying Harry?”

“Seven hells. No, definitely not,” she told him incredulously. “Why would I ever?”

He felt his cheeks warm up, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Ned mentioned that you and him were trying to work things out.”

That seems to be news to her. “He did? That’s not true at all, why would he say that?”

“He said that’s what his dad told him.” Jon remembered that conversation all too well, he was sure he was going to have a heart attack from the shock. “I thought maybe it was true.”

Sansa started shaking her head incredulously. “I’m going to kill Harry. I can’t believe he would say something like that to my kid. He didn’t have the right.”

Jon agreed with her wholeheartedly, but he could only think of one thing. “So, you’re not…?”

Sansa glared at him like he was crazy to even think it. “Of course not. I’m not an idiot, Jon. Harry can be a father to my son if that’s truly what he wants but whatever’s between us ended the moment I decided to leave him.”

Jon blew out a big breath; a wave of relief washing over him.

“Thank the Gods,” he said with a laugh, pulling her into his arms. He pressed a kiss to her temple.  “I thought for sure I was going to lose you.”

He froze up after a second, realizing what he’d just let out of his mouth.

He pulled himself away from her,  wishing the ground would swallow him right up as she stared at him in shock. “I mean - you and Ned. The both of you. I thought I was going to --” He stuttered, unsure how to get himself out of the truth he’d just accidentally revealed. “I mean, you guys are important to me so it would’ve been - I just - ” He cut himself off when he caught her lips quirking up on a smile. “I should stop talking now.”

She shook her head, seeming all too pleased by the situation. “No, go on. I want to hear more about how important we are to you. I’d definitely forgotten it the past few weeks.”

He made a face. “I’ve been a complete ass, haven’t I?”

“Just a little,” she said with a teasing smile, moving so they’re face to face. “So… what was was that again… that part about you being afraid to lose me?” His eyes flickered down to her lips, his heart beating a mile a minute. Is she not opposed to the idea? She tilted her head questioningly, waiting. “Jon?”

He sucked in a deep breath. “It means exactly that. I’ve never been scared of anything more than the thought of losing you, Sansa Stark.”

She gave him the most heart-stopping smile he’d ever seen, her hands coming up to his his jaw. “Well, let me tell you a secret, Jon Snow. You’re not losing me, not even if you tried.”

And thank the fucking gods for that.


End file.
